


the modern way

by worry



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Online Dating, reupload
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 20:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9400928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: jace wayland: hey whats upMaia Roberts: What?jace wayland: sorry i meantjace wayland: Hello! How are you doing on this fine, beautiful day, Maia Roberts?Maia Roberts: What game are you playing?jace wayland: there's no game??Maia Roberts: Most people who message me on here start conversations with either a dick pic or something stupid like "Hey baby what would you be doing if I was there with you?"...Maia Roberts: Sorry, you just kinda surprised me lmaojace wayland: well i'm not like most peopleMaia Roberts: Nvm they all say that.(or: the one where Simon gets Jace a profile on an online dating website and things go better than he expected.)





	

"I'm going to tell you something," Simon says, sitting down on the couch next to him and pausing a very interesting episode of  _Babylon 5,_ "but before I do, please promise not to kill me."

 

"I don't like the sound of this," Jace replies. He's playing the episode over and over again in his mind; he's not usually into sci-fi, but there's a lesbian couple on here - or at least that's what Simon said, fuck him - and Jace is kind of tired of every boring heterosexual subplot in like, every television show ever made.

 

"I'm doing this because I love you."

 

"You don't love me," Jace says. "Come on. What's up?"

 

Simon breathes deeply, shuts his eyes. "Look, I know things didn't work out very well with Raphael. Or Meliorn. Not saying anything about Clary because that was the weirdest week and a half of my life--"

 

"Raphael was way too different for me, Meliorn moved away, and Clary only dated me because she was in denial and didn't want to admit that A. she's a lesbian and B. she's in love with my sister. What is your  _point,_ Simon."

 

"My  _point_ is that I'm tired of you brooding. I'm getting way more action than you and you're the beautiful one. Well, I mean, I'm beautiful too,  _obviously,_ but you have the whole blonde, hot male model thing going on that I'll never have."

 

"Simon."

 

"Come on," Simon says, and laughs. He opens his eyes; Jace can tell that he's thinking  _okay, maybe I won't be killed, maybe things will be okay._ That's relative. Jace isn't a broody person and he never has been, but Jace, you know, has a brain, and he can pretty much tell where this is going. Needless to say, he doesn't like it. 

 

Jace is going to pack his bags and move out. Fuck this.

 

"I don't brood," Jace says, instead of what he  _should_ say, which is:  _I'm not doing whatever you want me to do fuck off._

 

"Yeah, you do," Simon replies. Quietly, he adds, "Which is why I, um, kind of bought you a subscription to eHarmony."

 

" _What._ "

 

"Happy birthday?"

 

Simon is definitely going down.

 

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. After we finish this episode, I'm finding a new roommate."

 

Jace isn't sure if it's a joke or not. Despite the fact that Simon is annoying, loud, ridiculous, and dating Jace's asshole ex boyfriend, he's grown to actually tolerate Simon Lewis throughout the years that they have been living together. This, however, is  _really_ testing his toleration.

 

(Okay, he likes Simon, but he's not about to let Simon just -  _know that._ The status of Jace Liking Him is slowly fading as it is.)

 

"Jace, I just want you to be happy. I mean, it has to be pretty depressing. Me and Raphael, Clary and Izzy, Magnus and Alec, Luke and Jocelyn - fuck, even Max has a crush who obviously likes him back, and Jace, if you haven't noticed, he's nine years old."

 

Jace laughs, says nothing. The silent treatment is childish but it's all that he can think of.

 

He takes the remote and turns the TV back on.

 

* * *

 

 

Simon officially dubbed the first Saturday of every month "Lightwood-Fray-Lewis Family Game Night" three years ago. Which means Simon, Raphael, Izzy, Clary, Luke, Jocelyn, Magnus, Alec, Maureen, and Rebecca shoved into their apartment, sitting in various spots on the floor in an extremely claustrophobic way. Having this many people in one tiny apartment _has_ to be some kind of fire hazard but whatever. Last month Jace was shoved in between Maureen and Rebecca, which was, to say the least, extremely awkward - mostly because Rebecca totally likes her and is too afraid to admit it. She looked at Maureen during every single game, like Maureen was the sun or some other poetic thing. 

 

Also, Jace is almost certain that he's doing this on purpose, because Simon's currently standing in the middle of the living room floor holding a box that very clearly reads  _THE NEWLYWED GAME: A CLASSIC GAME OF LOVE AND LAUGHTER._ Yeah, fuck.

 

Magnus, who is sitting across from Jace, is beaming. Everyone else in the room, however, is rolling their eyes.

 

"Simon, honey," Jocelyn says, gesturing to the box in his hands, "we already know everything about each other. What about Twister again?"

 

"Last time we played Twister, Alec sprained his wrist," Luke whispers. "And I still have that image of Jace trying to do the downward-facing dog pose fresh in my mind. It's not a pretty picture."

 

"Oh, right," Jocelyn replies. "What about apples to apples? That was fun."

 

"Yeah," Simon says. "Maybe later. Right now we're playing this."

 

Raphael, who always sits in the back of the room because sitting alone in the dark is his thing, laughs. "I think it's a great idea."

 

"Your only comment when Jace fell on the Twister board and ripped his pants was, 'Karma's a bitch'," Luke says. "You don't really get a say in this."

 

"As much as you want me to, I don't regret that."

 

Luke shakes his head, turns to Simon. "Are you  _sure_ you want to play this?"

 

"Abso-fuckin-lutely," Simon replies, and everyone in the room stifles a  _what a nerd I love him so much_ laugh. "Come on. Maureen and Rebecca, you are the only single ones so you two can be a team. Jace can be the question-asker, since he won't be playing."

 

Jace's phone buzzes in his pocket. He doesn't even have to check it - he  _knows_ what it is because Raphael has been texting him various memes for the past two days, who the  _fuck_ let him near a computer. Who the  _fuck_ gave him Jace's number. This time it'll be something like Pepe the Frog or the outdated, annoying FOREVER ALONE, because Simon can't keep his mouth shut and now everyone knows that Jace Wayland is, indeed, forever alone.

 

He bites his lip. "Fine."

 

"Thank you," Simon says. "My hero, truly."

 

Luke and Jocelyn, obviously, get every single question correct, because they're just that wonderful and in tune with each other. Magnus and Alec almost have the same fate, but Alec fucks up  _what is Magnus' favorite color?_ because apparently glitter is a color now. Jace asks Izzy what Clary's favorite food is, and Izzy replies with a completely blank face:  _me._ Needless to say, Jace will never be able to look her in the eyes again after this. Jace blocks every thought of Simon and Raphael out of his mind, because Raphael purposefully messed up every single question and Simon made everything unnecessarily sexual. Despite that, though, Maureen and Rebecca came in last, but only because Maureen doesn't know much about her - Rebecca, on the other hand, knows almost everything about Maureen. It's endearing, it's  _extremely_ endearing - shit.

 

When everyone leaves, Jace walks up to Simon. Breathes in, breathes out. "Username and password for that online dating site, please."

 

* * *

 

  _USERNAME:_ Jace_Hotwood

 _PASSWORD:_ jimon

 

Honestly, why is this Jace's life.

 

Question 1: How warm are you?

 

  * Not warm at all
  * Kinda warm
  * Warm
  * Very warm



 

...okay. Jace isn't a very warm person. He clicks NOT WARM AT ALL.

 

Question 2: How dominant are you?

 

  * Not dominant; submissive
  * Kinda dominant
  * Dominant
  * Very dominant



 

...okay. Jace likes to  _think_ he's Very Dominant, but, as Simon constantly and cheerfully reminds him, he's probably the most submissive person on this earth. He clicks NOT DOMINANT; SUBMISSIVE.

 

Question 3: How quarrelsome are you?

 

  * Peaceful; not quarrelsome at all
  * Kinda quarrelsome
  * Quarrelsome
  * Extremely quarrelsome



 

 ...he has to Google what quarrelsome means, and - yeah, sadly, it fits him perfectly. He clicks QUARRELSOME.

 

He laughs out loud at question 4 (which Simon can probably hear in the other room, damn him). 

 

Question 4: Are you stable?

 

  * Not at all
  * Eh, somewhat
  * Yes, I'm stable!



 

After about forty-five seconds of consideration, he clicks EH, SOMEWHAT, and hopes for the best.

 

Question 5: Do you think you're a sensitive person?

 

  * Nope
  * I like to think I am
  * Yes, definitely



 

Jace immediately clicks NOPE, and then, also immediately, regrets it.

 

Then the screen changes, and the question reads: If your best friends had to pick four words to describe you, which four from this list would they pick?

 

  * GOOD LISTENER
  * MODEST
  * RESPECTFUL
  * AFFECTIONATE
  * CARING
  * SPONTANEOUS
  * PHYSICALLY FIT
  * WARM
  * OUTGOING
  * OPTIMISTIC
  * DEPENDABLE
  * ROMANTIC
  * CREATIVE
  * LOYAL
  * SPIRITUAL
  * KIND
  * AMBITIOUS
  * ARTICULATE
  * RATIONAL
  * EASY-GOING
  * GENEROUS
  * HAPPY
  * QUIET
  * GENUINE
  * INTELLIGENT
  * SWEET
  * PASSIONATE
  * ENERGETIC
  * FUNNY
  * PERCEPTIVE



 

Well. Since Simon, being his roommate and the person he interacts with most, would probably pick something like HOT, ANNOYING, STOIC, AND RECLUSIVE, and none of those things are on this list, he has to improvise. Meaning: he clicks on four random words and clicks NEXT.

 

The next set of questions - lucky Jace - are about his lifestyle. Apparently he's actually taking this seriously, which means he can't say: hey, I lie in bed all day, sometimes I watch TV with my friend who lives with me but not like that, also I like video games sometimes, that's about it. He has vague memories of a social life. 

 

I DO THINGS ACCORDING TO A PLAN

 

  * Yes
  * No



 

...fuck.

 

Jace continues to randomize the questions, because this is boring and he's tired, until finally it brings up a page with his matches.

 

His jaw drops-

 

#1 MATCH: Maia Roberts (10 miles from you!)

 

She's beautiful.

 

Jace clicks on her profile, admires her for a moment. Then he presses MESSAGE.

 

 

_jace wayland: hey whats up_

 

5 minutes later - has it been five minutes? Jace now has no concept of time - she messages back.

 

 

_Maia Roberts: What?_

 

_jace wayland: sorry i meant_

 

_jace wayland: Hello! How are you doing on this fine, beautiful day, Maia Roberts?_

 

_Maia Roberts: What game are you playing?_

 

_jace wayland: there's no game??_

 

_Maia Roberts: Most people who message me on here start conversations with either a dick pic or something stupid like "Hey baby what would you be doing if I was there with you?"..._

 

_Maia Roberts: Sorry, you just kinda surprised me lmao_

 

_jace wayland: well i'm not like most people_

 

_Maia Roberts: Nvm they all say that._

 

Jace smiles.

 

_jace wayland: no no i promise i really am different_

 

_Maia Roberts: Really._

 

_jace wayland: yeah_

 

_jace wayland: fuck im sorry. listen_

 

_jace wayland: im only on here because my annoying roommate decided to make fun of my singleness and get me an account on this hell website. i clicked random answers on like all of the profile questions they asked and u were my #1 match. im not having a good time either. sorry, i'll leave u alone._

 

...

 

_Maia Roberts: Wait._

 

_Maia Roberts: Tell me about yourself. I'll decide if you're worth my time or not, and you can decide if this website's for you._

 

 _Maia Roberts: But first,_ please  _tell me your roommate wrote your profile bio for you, because I really don't want to interact with a guy who says shit like "I don't bite ;) unless you ask very very nicely ;)"_

 

_jace wayland: I AM GOING TO KILL SIMON_

 

_Maia Roberts: Also uh your profile picture is just a promotional photo for Shrek????_

 

_jace wayland: fuck_

 

_Maia Roberts: :)_

_jace wayland: he said he wanted me to find someone but made my profile as horrible as he possibly could??? i_

 

Jace is completely and totally  _pissed._

 

_Maia Roberts: Dude chill. So I take it I should go first?_

 

_jace wayland: um yeah i guess_

 

_..._

_..._

_..._

 

_Maia Roberts: So! I'm Maia. Obviously. Not too good at talking about myself, but I like a variety of stuff. My fav TV show is Supergirl and everyone on Supergirl is gay._

 

_Maia Roberts: Oh guess I should mention: I'm bi. You cool with that?_

 

_jace wayland: im pansexual it's totally cool_

 

_Maia Roberts: Good! I like video games too but I haven't played in a while to be honest. I volunteer at a dog rescue on the weekends and on weekdays I'm a bartender so I'm usually busy. Uh idk what else. Everyone says I'm cool and I like to think I am too. Your turn, Jace Wayland._

 

 Jace has  _never_ been good at describing himself. He thinks for - way too long.

 

_jace wayland: i'm jace._

 

He sighs.

 

_jace wayland: i'll be honest with u maia... i don't how to describe myself, but i'm basically the opposite of you i mean you seem so fierce and u do so many cool things and i ... don't. im super boring. im kinda hot tho, like super hot. some people say i look like a male model._

 

_jace wayland: yeah um forget i said that_

 

_jace wayland: idk. sorry. i'm basically a mess but i promise i have a heart of gold and all that._

 

Wow, this is  _not_ going to make Maia think he's different. He sounds exactly like One Of Those Guys. Maybe he is. 

 

_Maia Roberts: Lol_

 

_Maia Roberts: For some reason I think you're charming. Listen I gotta go but I'll be on later so I'll message you when I'm back. See ya!_

 

_jace wayland: ok bye_

 

* * *

 

 

For some reason Jace decides that he absolutely can't tell Simon about this.

 

Which, of course, means that the first thing out of Simon's mouth when Jace leaves his bedroom is: "I heard you laughing in there. Was it the absurdity of the profile questions or did you actually have - gasp - some  _fun?_ With someone else?"

 

"You made my profile picture Shrek," Jace says. "Not talking to you."

 

Simon squeals. "Oh, you totally did, didn't you? Dude, this is so great."

 

Jace smiles for one moment - one fucking moment, and then he bites his cheek to stop himself. Simon catches it. Simon will  _never_ stop teasing him. 

 

"No comment."

 

"Tell me about them!"

 

Jace sighs softly. Maia Roberts is pretty much perfect for him, he's decided, despite knowing her for less than half an hour. 

 

"Well..."

 

* * *

 

 

_Maia Roberts: Hey! I'm back._

 

_jace wayland: hi!!!_

 

_Maia Roberts: So um not to be weird but_

 

_Maia Roberts: On your profile it says that you live 10 miles away from me._

 

_jace wayland: yeah!_

 

_Maia Roberts: Do you like bowling? Because if you don't, it's cool, but if you do I'll totally crush you to pieces. Everyone who has ever played with me has forfeited, that's how good I am._

She's perfect.

 

_jace wayland: well i'm pretty good at it too, you know. i'm great. i guess we'll have to see who gets crushed, huh?_

 

_Maia Roberts: I guess we'll have to see, but don't get too hopeful. ;)_

 

_Maia Roberts: I'm actually free tomorrow. How about you? Are you ready to get your ass kicked?_

 

_jace wayland: please be gentle with my ass when you kick it_

 

_jace wayland: yes i am yes tomorrow is good_

 

_Maia Roberts: Good. See you then!_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before 2x01 and deleted it, but since more people seem to be into Jace/Maia now, I reuploaded it :) Please tell me what u think thanks!


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